Haji Maswan Bin Mohamed Sani
Al-Fatihah.
==================================================================
i regreted 3 things. and i'll regret it for life.
14/8/2008(*11.30+pm)
him: ''sya-sya, tidur dengan atok.''
me: '' tak nak ah tok. besok sekolah ah. besok jer lah tok.''
him: ''boleh lah..satu hari jer..satu hari jer..''
me: ''alah..hari minggu kan ada. dua hari lagi. lagipun bilik ni bau kencing ah tok. besok jer lah eh tok? esok hari jumaat.''
him: (*looked me in the eyes) ''satu hari jer nak(*anak)''
me: (*walked off and went to my room)
15/8/2008 (* 6.30+am)
me: salam tok.
him: sya-sya ada duit? kalau takder, ambil jer dari beg atok. sya-sya balik cepat hari ni eh nak(*anak)?
me: ada lagi lah tok. hari ni? err..tengok dulu lah..(*slam-ed him) bye tok!
and for the FIRST time, he didn't replied like what he always did.
15/8/2008 (* after school arnd 12.20+pm)
me(* talking to myself): alah..nak balik ke tidak? kalau balik tak boleh belajar. dah lah semalam asyik order aku. hai..lagipun aku puasa. tak payah balik lah. kalau aku balik cepat pun atok nak apa?''
so, i stayed back till 2.30pm for my f&n and then till 6+pm to study maths with ain and f&n. i thought the time was just right. when i reached home, i could break fast.
i took the bus 985. at 6.38pm, my sister called.
sis:''kakak..(*crying)..atok..atok..''
me: ''apasal ni nangis2? atok order banyak sangat ke hari ni? kakak dah nak balik ni. dah nak sampai interchange. tinggal tunggu 307 bus jer..''
sis: ''tak! atok..dah tak bernafas kak! atok dah takder!''
me: ''astaughfirullahalazim! adik! jangan main!(*crying)
sis: ''cepat kak balik! adik tak tau nak buat apa!
me: ''pergi call ibu dgn ayah!''
i hung up. i sat on the seat speechless at first. and then, i broke down. like hell! ppl were staring at me at interchange. i ignored them. 11 mins felt like 11 years! as soon i reached home, i took off my shoes(*my school bag and socks still on), went to hs room, fell right beside him and cried more.
i kept shouting ''bangun tok! bangun tok! sya-sya dah sampai!''
yesterday, my aunt told me '' i was at your house in the afternoon. he simply did not want to eat. he said he want to wait for you. he was still waiting for you. he kept calling your name.''
that's the other thing that i regreted.
i regereted shouting at him the day before he died.
i regereted not sleeping with him for the last time even though he somehow begged me.
i regreted not going back home early on 15/8/2008 even though he had once again begged me in the morning when i salam him for the last time.
he waited for me.that's what they told me. but it's too late. im sorry. i really regret it.
